PIVOT is an option
October 2024
Hello!
You know me. I'm a planner. I always show up. I'm deliberate in my decisions. I do my best to avoid impulsive actions. But, this month I had to be brave in ways so unlike me. I chose to pivot. Perhaps you can relate.
Back in July, Barry and I woke up to water that accumulated around our ankles in our kitchen and front living room. A tube connected to our water softener had broken in the middle of the night. We never heard the rush of water until we walked into the kitchen for our morning coffee.
We saw our gorgeous cherry-wood floors throughout our home start to buckle into hills and valleys, making it particularly difficult for Barry who still used a walker as he slowly healed from his fall the month before. Our two inside cats, Comet and Vixen, found their perch up high on one of our shelves, clearly claiming this as their new spot as they watched us doing our best to figure out what to do in this next minute, while we sat down in denial, considering our options, once we swept waves of water outside our front door. That's when we noticed a strange smell that made it clear that knowing what this is claimed itself as our next priority. Sure enough, it was identified as mold. We were in trouble, big time.
We called in the experts and, of course, our insurance. We were told we needed to get out of this house, our cats and everything else we needed to live in 'a temporary home' for the next 3 months. 3 months! Again, we sat down in denial for the next hour or two.
As if this wasn't harrowing enough, I had planned a huge family event for the middle of October. 38 people from out of town had already confirmed that they would be attending. This event was scheduled two weeks later after our scheduled move. I managed to create options for the various venues planned for that weekend knowing now that our home was no longer available for any kind of hosting. I blessed my friends who stood by my side as I did my best to navigate this catastrophe.
What I realized on that Monday move and what I didn't see coming is the realization that I was now 78 years old, no longer having the strength or vitality of a 50 year old. I ran out of gas. I slept for days, never being able to get ahead of the fatigue in navigating millions of boxes, navigating trying to find my own pillow or a pair of scissors, realizing all the things I needed but left behind. It took that whole first week for Comet and Vixen to pop their heads out from under the bed. I forgot code numbers for the front and garage doors. I was not myself, and that alone was pretty uncomfortable.
Barry and our kids insisted I reconsider the event date. I refused. People had plane tickets, hotel reservations, plans were made. It was two weeks away. There was still time to cancel, they assured me. There was one friend who gave me the answer I needed: it was a line from a dated rock 'n roll group, Little Feat, "when your mind makes a promise that body can't fill." Well, that was me, alright. I had to PIVOT.
Canceling was not an option, but postponing worked. If I could simply 'fall on my sword' especially to my out of town guests, begging for a do-over in February, I knew I would be back as my old Self again, and, hopefully they would love me anyway. Could I forgive myself, that was a whole other matter!
So, PIVOT I did. I wrote an email to local and out of town guests. I hoped it conveyed my humility with grace as well as my sincere gratitude for their understanding and forgiveness. I called those coming the furthest distance. I canceled, rescheduled, and went back to bed to sleep off the embarrassment as I tried to get the rest I badly needed.
Btw, on the scheduled event date, some people still showed up, much to my surprise. Intuitively, I showed up, too, and we shared breakfast, a mini-party and preview of what's to come in February! It filled my cup and I finally could take off the hair shirt I was wearing since all this happened. I still did the best I could, under the circumstances, and thanked the good friend that suggested PIVOT as the answer. My black and white thinking gets in the way of good decisions.
It allows me to share this story with you, for those of you that get attached to a schedule or plan that involves you taking on way too much than you know you can handle in this moment. I also learned that my 'perfectionism' doesn't serve me at all. February is just as beautiful as October in Arizona. I learned the world will not stop because of my agendas, my dreams, and wishes. Options always provide new and perhaps better choices. Most importantly, and what I tell so many others, especially as we age: Listen to your body. If I had done that, I would have addressed this exhaustion issue much sooner than the last minute. My behavior had changed, I was late to appointments, dropped out birthdays and/or lunch dates. Not my usual Self, or the way I want to show up. Always opportunities and lessons to learn.
"When your mind makes a promise that body can’t fill."
~ Little Feat
Every month, for almost 3 years, I hope you enjoyed reading and percolating this newsletter. However, please forgive the absence of The Modern Elder section this month only. I'll be back on track for November, I promise.
If retirement or the next chapter is calling your name, if I can help you realize your vision in business and lifestyle, email me. Let's make it happen now! Susan@SusanLBrooks.com.
*Chip Conley, best-selling author and speaker, hospitality entrepreneur and leading thought leader, created The Modern Elder Academy's mission "to inspire the ability to reframe a lifetime of experience and recognize one's mastery, relevance, and value in the modern workplace." The Modern Elder* is Conley's term and effort that "liberates and inspires us to embrace wisdom as a path of growing whole, not old...The Modern Elder*marries wisdom and curiosity."
Every month this newsletter will Feature the stories and wisdom of Modern Elders*. Please send in your Modern Elder* nomination. CLICK HERE TO SUBMIT
Today, I am 78 years old, and proud of it! Paul Simon, who is now in his 80's said it best years ago: us boomers were BORN AT THE RIGHT TIME!
Yes, I was born at the right time! I'm still a hippie from the 60's, I marched for civil rights for all humans, equal rights for women, waving my bra with the best. I am proud to be living and growing in a robust marriage of 57 years. I survived motherhood, and so did my now-adult children. I was an award-winning woman business owner when there were but a few of us. I've learned a whole bunch of lessons, and more importantly, I've earned my fair share of Wisdom, too. I am Pro-Age!
According to Chip Conley, one of today's leading thought leaders: "Experience is making a comeback. Wisdom never grows old." Chip created the hallmarks of the Modern Elder*: "learning to marry wisdom and experience with curiosity, cultivating a beginner's mind so that learning never ends, exemplifying a willingness to evolve both as a student and sage." Research shows that shifting our mindset about Aging can add 7.4 happy years to a person's life.
Proud to say I am a graduate of the Modern Elder Academy as well as an active participant in Wise Aging: Living with Joy, Resilience, and Spirit programs. As one of the creators and hosts of the Thrive@55 event, we celebrated our female community leaders who were 55+.
As long as I'm able to see the sunrise every morning and keep a curious mind, there's more living to do, so much more to learn, and so many new ways to serve. Trailblazer that I am, and always will be, I recognize my next mission: by example and demonstration I am committed to Changing the Face of Aging: One Modern Elder* at a time!
I welcome both local and national speaking engagements as well as one-on-one coaching opportunities to delve more deeply into navigating life transitions. Email me Here.
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